16 things I wish I had known when I was 18

"Everything has been figured out, except how to live." - Jean-Paul Sartre

I'm nearly 50 years old, and I've made my share of mistakes in my life. I'm not a big believer in regrets … and I have learned tremendously from every single mistake … and my life is pretty great.

 

However, there are a few things I wish I had known when I was graduating from high school and starting out as an adult in life.

 

Would I change things? I'm not so sure. I might never have gotten into a mountain of debt, but then I wouldn't have learned the amazing satisfaction of getting out of it. I might have made better career choices, but then I wouldn't have all the work experience that makes me the person and manager that I am today.

 

I might not have gotten married that first time, so that I would never have gotten divorced … but then I wouldn't have this wonderful, incredible child that I've had the privilege of watching grow into a young man.

 

No, I don't think I would change any of that. However, looking back, there are some lessons I've learned that I would probably tell my 18-year-old self. Do I share them now to share my regrets? No, I share them in hopes that younger men and women, just starting out in life, can benefit from my mistakes and my lessons.

What follows isn't an exhaustive list, but it's one that I hope proves useful to at least a few people.

 

"I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it." - Jack Handey

1. How to control impulse spending. If there's anything that got me in trouble financially, it has been impulse spending. Buying stuff when I really didn't need it. Buying gadgets because I gotta have them cause everyone else has them. Ordering stuff online because it's so easy. Buying that new shiny SUV because … well, because it was going to improve my status. I'm not proud of any of that. I've learned to control my impulses, at least a little better. Now, I give myself some time to breathe. I think over my purchases, see if I've got the money, think about whether it's a need or a want. That would have been a useful tool 25 years ago.
   
2. You gotta stay active. I participated in organized sports in high school and college, but once I started working for a living, the conditioning began to slowly fade away. Not right away — I played in tennis tournaments for years after school. But even that went away, until I became sedentary. Playing with my son outdoors winded me. And I began to get fatter and fatter. I'm reversing that trend, and am more active now, but I'm still trying to burn the fat I gained in those inactive years.
   
3. How to plan finances. I always knew that I was supposed to budget and track my spending, when I became an adult. I just was too lazy to do it. And I didn't have a good idea of how to actually do it. Now, I've learned how to plan, and how to stick to that plan. Sure, I deviate from my plan, but I've learned how to handle that too. Maybe that's not a skill you can learn from book reading. You just gotta practice. Well, I hope to teach it to my son before he goes out on his own.
   
4. Junk food will come back to bite you in the butt. Yeah, it wasn't just the sedentary lifestyle that got me fat. It was all the damn junk food too. I would eat pizza and burgers and Twinkies and sugar cereal and desserts and donuts and … well, you get the picture. As someone used to being able to eat whatever I wanted, it never seemed like it would be a problem. Bad health was something to worry about when you got old. Well, my jeans began to get way too tight, and to my horror, I climbed several pants sizes and developed a gut that only now is going away. I wish someone had shown me an "after" picture when I was young and downing the Big Gulps and brownies.
   
5. Fund your retirement, son. And don't withdraw it. This piece of wisdom, and probably all the ones above, might seem blisteringly obvious. And they are. Don't think I didn't know this when I was 18. I did. I just didn't pay it serious attention. Retirement was something I could worry about when I was in my 30s. Well, I'm in my late 40's now and I wish I could slap that little 18-year-old around a bit. What money I could have invested by now! I had a retirement plan, but on the 3 occasions when I had major changes in my life, I took the easy route and I withdrew those dollars and spent it (in retrospect) frivolously.
   
6. All the stuff you're doing that seems hard — it will be of use. This is the first one that might not be as obvious. There were times in my life when work was hard, and I did it anyway, but hated it. I did it because I had to, but boy did it stress me out and leave me exhausted. Hard work isn't as easy as I wanted it to be. But you know what? Every bit of hard work I did without knowing why I was doing it … it's paid off for me in the long run. Maybe not right away, but I'm using skills and habits I learned during those times of high stress and long hours and tedious work — I use them all the time, and they've made me into the person I am today. Sometimes things really DO work out!
   
7. Don't buy that used car without checking it out closely. I thought I was being smart by buying used, but I didn't check it out carefully enough. That friggin car had loads of transmission problems, a door that nearly fell off when I was driving, a side mirror that fell off, windows that didn't roll up, rattling noises, an eventual blown radiator … I could go on and on, but let's just say that it wasn't my best purchase. I still think buying used is smart, but check things out closely first.
   
8. Make time to pursue your passion, no matter how busy you are. I've always wanted to get my Masters Degree, be a writer, and get a book published. I just never seem to have had the time. With a family and school and a full-time job, there just weren't enough hours in the day. Well, I've learned that you have to make those hours. Set aside a block of time to do what you love, cut out other stuff from your life that take up your time, and don't let anything interfere with that work. If I had done that 20 years ago, I could have 10 books written by now. Not all would be great, but still. I did finally get my Masters Degree completed last year - and who knows, maybe the book is next – let you know next year! (smile)
   
9. All that stuff that's stressing you out — it won't matter in 5 years, let alone 15. When things are happening to you right now, they mean everything in the world. I had deadlines and projects and people breathing down my neck, and my stress levels went through the roof. I don't regret the hard work (see above) but I think I would have been less stressed if I could have just realized that it wouldn't matter a single bit just a few years down the road. Perspective is a good thing to learn.
   
10. The people you make friends with are so much more important than your job or the things you buy. I've had quite a few jobs in fitness industry, I've bought a lot of things, and I've made a few friends over these last 30+ years. And lost track of a lot more – career you know (not!) Of those, the only thing that still matter to me are the friends. And I wish I could have spent more time with friends (and family) than on the other things.
    
11. All that time you spend watching TV is a huge, huge waste of time. I don't know how much TV I've watched over the years, but it's a crap load. Hours and days and weeks I'll never have back. Who cares what happens on reality TV, when reality is slipping by outside? Time is something you'll never get back — don't waste it on TV. Spend it improving yourself, or your children.
    
12. Your kids are going to grow up way faster than you think. Don't waste a minute. I just had an Oh My God moment recently. My son Phil, is turning 13 in a few weeks. I have a few years left with him before he starts driving and doesn't need his chuffer. In about 6 years he leaves for college and becomes an adult. Six years! I am floored by that single fact, because it really doesn't seem anywhere near enough time. I want to find a time lord go back to my younger self and whack me upside the head and say Stop working so hard! Stop watching TV! Spend more time with your son! These last 13 years with Phil (and the few years I spent with my Ex's kids) have gone by much, much too fast.
    
13. Forget the drama. Focus on being happy. There have been many things that have happened to me, professionally and personally, that at the time could have seemed like the end of the world. And while these things were bad, they would get blown up in our heads so that they became major drama. They caused me to be depressed from time to time. What a waste of time! If I realized that it was all in my head and that I could be happy instead if I had only focused on the positive, on what I did have, and what I could be doing … I could have skipped all the moping about.
    
14. Pay more attention to blogs when you first hear about them. They're more than just journals. I first read about blogs 6-7years ago, but when I took a look at them they didn't seem like anything of interest. Just some people's journals about stuff they read on the web. Why would I want to read those? I have my own thoughts about the web, but I don't need to share them with the world. I spent a lot of time on the Internet, on various sites and forums, but every time I happened upon a blog I would brush past it without interest. It wasn't until a couple years ago that I discovered what wonderful things they could be If I had gotten into blogging years ago … well, I wouldn't have been wasting all that time.
    
15. Speaking of which, keep a journal. Seriously. Your memory is extremely faulty. I forget things really easily. Not short-term stuff, but long-term. I don't remember things about my son's early years as clearly as I could because I didn't record any of it. I don't remember things about my life. It's like a lot of foggy memories that I'll never have access to. I wish I had kept a journal.
    
16. Tequila is seriously evil. I won't go into details, but it should suffice to say that I have felt like the worm on the bottom of the bottle, and I'm not sure I learned very much from that or benefited in any way except to learn that tequila is the drink of Satin.
    

All these mistakes you're going to make, despite this advice? They're worth it. My 18-year-old self would probably have read this post and said, "Good advice!" And then he would have proceeded to make the same mistakes, despite good intentions. I was a good kid, but I wasn't good at following advice. I had to make my own mistakes, and live my own life. And that's what I did, and I don't regret a minute of it. Every experience I've had (even the tequila ones) have led me down the path of life to where I am today. I love where I am today, and wouldn't trade it for another life for the entire world. The pain, the stress, the drama, the hard work, the mistakes, the depression, the hangovers, the debt, the fat … it was all worth it.

Til next time….

 

"Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." - Mark Twain