I was reminded....

I was reminded of an English saying this past weekend…“Death always comes too early or too late.”

I’ve never known it to come at the right time – This past weekend was bitter sweet for our family, we had to lay to rest one of our favorites – I know that you are not supposed to have favorites – but in this case she just was.

I think death is always hardest on those left to mourn. But what struck me this past weekend was the many people she touched throughout her time spent here on this planet and in this place.

I found myself thinking often that I was sorry that I am meeting you… No offense but I’d rather had been meeting these wonderful people under much different circumstances.

But yet it was right, and for some reason at this particular time and in this place we were brought together because of something my Aunt gave each of us. It didn’t matter if it was her friendship or counsel and for those of us who were lucky her love. This past weekend we are all there as part of her extended family.

I couldn’t help but hear so many stories and so many wonderful memories about my Aunt and how she helped so many people. For sure we were there to share moments… those moments, those brief encounters in time that affected each of us so profoundly.

I had one of those special moments with my Aunt a few years back and I wanted to share a bit of her wisdom with you today. It’s amazing that it still sticks with me today.

Being the oldest grandchild in the Espinoza clan as well as an only child, you become a great observer of human behavior. And for whatever reason there were several wakes that I had to attend that particular year… After the wake I was standing outside waiting for my uncle to pull up the car. As a young adult – at least in my mind, I felt it was necessary to do something profound.

So I took Aunt Nancy’s hand and said, “I’m sure this has been very difficult day – and I’m sure you are sad – I’m very sorry that you’re Aunt died – my condolences”

Now I was eight at the time, and I’m sure I stuttered or mispronounced some words as all eight year old boys do – No, I’m sure I stuttered out the word condolences.

My Aunt stood up straight – tilted her head to the side, as all good teachers do when they are thinking of the right thing to say, somewhat smiled and replied “That’s a big word for you!"

She continued, "Yes, I am sad and thank you."
"But you know.", and then she did that special teachers pause – and then she flashed those kind eyes… “no one really ever dies as long as you remember them”

Really!? I said. Then she nodded in the affirmative…

That was probably forty years ago… and that simple yet straight forward message has helped me get through many a loss. Even during this past weekend.

I can’t begin to imagine what it feels like to lose a spouse – Nor do I want to ever know what it is to lose a child – but I do know what it feels like to loose a parent and sometimes it’s those words, those memories… those scenes that flash in the theater of your mind – those brief moments in time.. that help to get you through and provide an answer – Those remembrances can help change our lives – even if that person is no longer with us.

Our family has been blessed that she has given all of us some of those moments. We may not have realized it at the time, but those moments were very special gifts. She had a wonderful ability to enhanced each our lives in a very personal - and I’ll bet - positive way.

Yes we all gathered together in the Land of Enchantment because of my aunt, but because of those special moments in time, we were all bonded together - we all became family - and sometimes just knowing you have family helps you through these times of sadness and great loss. I know on that day she shared with me a very special gift. A gift of hope and of love – and for that I will always be grateful.

Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life. ~Albert Einstein~

I know that she would not want us to be TOO sad, and that she would expect us to live life to the fullest – just as she tried to live hers – especially just as she did this past year. I will miss her dearly, but she will continue to warm my heart and make me smile. And I hope through our memories she will continue to help us with the answers.