I do my best reading and thinking early in the morning – probably why I am an early riser… Anyway, I used to keep an interesting journal (at least to me) and regret somewhat that I've gotten out of the habit. It wasn't your usual "this is what I did today" journal. It was a "Thought" journal.
Writing has always been a tool that has helped me get through several happenings in my life and something that I would strongly recommend especially if you find yourself in a particular circumstance that may be challenging – I think it helps you to keep things in perspective.
Using this technique I have found that it is interesting to look back on how I used to perceive things vs. they way I see things today. After living through the event. At times is seems that I'm a completely new person yet other times my thoughts are only reconfirmed in my mind. There's one entry in particular I've been thinking a lot about lately. I don't remember when exactly I wrote it, or why I was thinking those things at the time. But I would like to put them out here and get some outside thoughts.
I've been writing on this blog for almost a year and one half now, if there's one post I'd like people to read and comment on it's this one. It's a collaboration of thoughts that I've had and the perhaps the comments of others could help explain what I was thinking more profoundly than I. Enjoy.
Many times, people use the word "love" but do not understand what it means. They will say "I love this car" or "I love these shoes", but that isn't love. You don't love those things. You "want" them. You want to own them. True Love is a gift. Sometimes a person might say "I love this girl/boy", but in actuality they mean "I want this girl". Many of the things in this world; money, material power, people; you might want them to belong to you, but that isn't True Love. You don't love those things. You love the idea of ownership of those things. You love what you think ownership will mean to you.
Perhaps having that car means freedom ... or security ... or some other emotional state ... but ultimately it is just a desire for whatever that "thing" means to you. Do you love the girl/boy or do you love what being with that person means to you? True Love is a gift given to others. There is no sacrifice with True Love. Their happiness brings about your own happiness. It is important to be clear on the differences in True Love versus desire for ownership. It is also important to understand that True Love and Romantic Love are different things too. Sometimes they are coupled together, but you can have one without the other. When True love and material desire are against each other, True Love will always win.
For example, if you truly love someone, and they would like something that you own, you will gladly give it to them. True love has no ownership ... it has no self ... no personal desire ... it is only given as a gift. It is not something you want for yourself. There are no attachments, and with no attachments, there is no pain. If your girlfriend or boyfriend leaves you and you have True Love for them, you want only what makes them happy, even if it's not in your personal best interests. Attachments to your best interests aren't as important to you as their happiness. You are happy if they break up with you if it will make them happier. If you just have the love of attachment, or just have romantic love without True Love, then that loss hurts because you are thinking of your own personal loss of ownership or attachment with that person.
True love is obviously not as common in today's world. A person might love their clothes ... or might love an activity like singing, dancing, playing an instrument, photography, martial arts, whatever it may be ... but if their True Love says "I want you to stop those things and move with me to New York" then you will stop them and move. In essence you could have True Love for those activities. A complete dedication to something they really want to do or achieve. People will see that nothing in this world is truly ours anyway. That ownership is simply an illusion of the mind. The only things we take with us from this world are our relationships with others. In understanding the impermanence of things, they remove themselves from attachments, perspectives and position -- they can become neutral. Seeing through the illusion of ownership allows you to give, unconditionally, of yourself to others, and to demonstrate the qualities of True Love.
A Quick Story
Once a woman when having a conversation with her lover, asked:
Woman: Why do you like me..? Why do you love me?
Man: I can't tell the reason.. but I really like you..
Woman: You can't even tell me the reason… how can you say you like me? How can you say you love me?
Man: I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love you.
Woman: Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend's boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you! I need to hear it!
Man: Ok..ok!!! Erm… because you are beautiful, because your voice is sweet, because you are caring, because you are loving, because you are thoughtful, because of your smile, because of your every movement.
The woman felt very satisfied with the man's answer. Unfortunately, a few days later, the woman met with an accident and went into a coma. The man then placed a letter by her side and this is what it said:
"Darling, Because of your sweet voice that I love you…Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you. Because of your care and concern that I like you… Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you. Because of your smile, because of your every movement that I love you… Now can you smile? Now can you move? No, therefore I cannot love you… If love needs a reason, like now, there is no reason for me to love you anymore. Does love need a reason? No! Therefore, I still love you…"
"True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away."
"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you."
I realize some of that may be extreme, but none of it was thought in an obsessive context. Let me know what you think…
Til next time…
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