Vacations...what are those?

I just looked at my check stub and realized that I am getting close to maxing out on vacation days...that got me thinking.

I used to be really good at being a "Vacaton McSlacker" and could at one time, take more than my fair share of days off--but lately I haven't been good at making time for myself. I can see I'm going to have to step it up, if not for me, then to bring up the national average. Because a vacation poll from a couple of months ago said that fewer Americans than ever are planning to take summer vacations in 2008--only a third!

The New York Times was talking about the depressing phenomenon of "shrinking vacation syndrome" a couple of years ago. A typical quote, by a AAA spokesman: "The idea of somebody going away for two weeks is really becoming a thing of the past. It’s kind of sad, really, that people can’t seem to leave their jobs anymore."

Another vacation survey from a year ago found that more than half of the employees polled did not use all of their vacation. There seem to be two issues here: the inability to take much time off work, and the expense and difficulty of traveling anywhere when such precious time is actually secured. Maybe I should just mix these two entirely different problems together because it's easier to pretend it's all one issue!

But anyway, the net result is: Hardly anyone seems to be able to "get away from it all" anymore. It is my official position that This Is Just Wrong!!

This "shrinking vacation" thing sucks for many reasons, but one of them is actually related to the supposed topic of this blog: It is apparently unhealthy not to take vacations! For example, researchers looking at the Frammington heart study found that women who took a vacation every six years or less were almost eight times more likely to develop heart problems than those who took at least two vacations a year. (And they controlled for other factors like obesity, diabetes, smoking and income).

And another study of men at high risk for heart disease also found that those who failed to take annual vacations were more likely to die of a heart attack. So quick, go to your boss and demand that you be released immediately! If your boss says no, simply lie down on the floor and have a heart attack. That'll show 'em!...NO not really. Time spent away from work but hooked up to machines in the Intensive Care Unit might not be quite as relaxing as a week at the beach.

But even if you can manage to take a vacation without threatening cardiac arrest, it may not even help you recuperate if you don't take the right kind.

A survey of managers found that a quarter of them returned from vacation more stressed than when they left, (I know that feeling!) with a third having spent at least part of their break checking in with the office, often every day. And according to Dov Eden, an organizational psychologist who has studied the issue "those who are electronically hooked up to their office, even if they are lying on the Riviera, are less likely to receive the real benefits of a vacation and more likely to burn out."

Another earlier study looked at "health-related vacation outcome" Despite the dry language, the conclusions were kinda interesting:"Recuperation" was facilitated by:

Free time for one's self;
Warmer (and sunnier) vacation locations;
Exercise during vacation;
Good sleep; and
Making new acquaintances

Duh.... I hate when someone says that too me. sorry.

Exhaustion was increased by:
Vacation-related health problems, and
A greater time-zone difference to home.

The only tips I have for less stressful vacations are either pretty obvious or possibly not too practical. But what the hell:


Don't go somewhere to impress others; go somewhere you're excited about. It could be camping in your local park or something more exotic. But the further away it is, the more time you need to allow to enjoy it without stress. Those "if it's Tuesday it must be Belgium" vacations are seldom relaxing.

And along those lines, don't schedule every single minute with activities. Chill, dude.

Don't have kids. Or if it's too late for that, figure out how to get at least some time away from them.


Do lots of fun vacation-related exercise--hiking, swimming, biking etc, but leave your ambitious workout plans at home.

Ditch your loved ones. Don't feel like you and your spouse/friend/family have to do the same thing all the time--constant compromise can be frustrating. If Beloved Husband wants to tour the dusty old Train Museum or spend all day on a boat drinking beer "fishing," and you'd rather shop the boutiques, split up for God's sake. You can catch up at dinner.


Find a tour group. On the other hand, are you single and can't round up a friend with the same schedule or interests? Don't let that keep you at home. Tours have gotten a lot less "touristy" these days and are no longer just for the blue-hair set. The Internet is your friend--spend a few minutes with Google and I know you will turn up lots of options.

If you can't stay off your office email, stay somewhere without Internet access. Even if it means (sniff) no larryespinoza.blogspot.com for the duration.

Get some sleep. Arrange to have any noisy or obnoxious hotel neighbors arrested or intimidated by local thugs. Failing that, at least complain to hotel management with the hopes that they may do something about it or get you another room.


Come back home a day or two early. Don't wait until the last minute before you have to go back to work. Nothing will erase a relaxing vacation faster than stack of unopened mail, a mountain of chores, a pile of stinky laundry two stories high and no time to deal with any of it.

Well heck, you tell me! (You guys are much better at this stuff).
Til next time....

Goals, goals, goals....

I was watching some of the talking heads yesterday on my flat screen and they had this "so called" self-improvement expert on talking about goals.

Don't get me wrong, having goals... looking at them every once in a while is a good thing. I really think you need to try to have a plan. But this person was going on tirelessly on the importance of long-range goals.

I think long-range goals are more important earlier on in life.

But having a DAILY goal, however, is important EVERY day of your life.

IF you put most of your focus on meeting daily goals. If you hit your daily target day after day, just seems to me that the long-range targets will take care of themselves.

One of the difficulties with long-range goals is that you may not be the same person a year from now, or five or ten years from now as you are today. In fact, I guarantee that I am not, and you may not be the same person today that you were on May 1, 2008 - or January 1, 2008.

In my case this is a good thing...because to live means to change, improve and grow.

So right now at this moment are you getting closer to your daily goal?

Til next time...

Whew.....

I was just looking around my office, and after getting over the shock of boxes piled three feet high around the perimeter of my office, six "2do" lists and a pad full of phone calls to make... I just went whew!

Many people go through life filled with resentment and bitterness about what isn't working, what they don't have, what they wish they had, what other people have that they don't have, and so on.

I really think that this is the wrong orientation toward life. Perhaps a better orientation is to begin with what you DO have and build from there.

It's human nature to take note of our weaknesses and fret about what we cannot do...

But you will find that if you take an inventory of your strengths and build upon them. IF you focus on what you can do - then make plans to turn the things you cannot do into things you can do - even if it means enlisting the help of others.

There are many things I cannot currently do that I get done but because I'm willing to allow others to help me. Knowing this allows me to focus on what I do best - and if I continually do what I do best - I'll get more accomplished in less time.

Have a great weekend, and better Fathers Day
Til next time....

Got to get started...

I read something the other day about being successful. It went something like this...

You don't score touchdowns by worrying about how far you have to move the ball. You put points on the board by focusing on an objective, seeing yourself where you want to be - then hauling ass to get there.

You don't complain when times are tough. Nor do you expect anyone or anything else to do the job for you - but you willingly and graciously accept help when it comes. Sometimes help comes in mysterious ways, so be open to it.

Even so, a coach of mine said something profound one day when I was feeling sorry for myself. "Don't expect God to get you out of bed in the morning." Guess, I got to get started by myself huh?

We have all had days where we just don't know if we can accomplish what we need to do. For me today is one of those days, but unless we start moving in some direction, we will never find the place we need to go or the thing that we want.

So take a deep breath and get started, no one else is going to do it for you.

Til next time...

Been thinking again....

Sometimes I think that when I was born, I just wasn't dropped on my head, but thrown across the room and landed square on my head. It's just amazing what I come up with when I have too much time on my hands.

Give you an example, when did fish get an appetite for worms? I have this mental image of two bass laying on the bank trying to catch their breath when a worm just happens to wonder by...then fish CPR (catch, picture and release) and they went under the nearest submerged stump and told their kin... You'll get it if you are a fisherman.

Anyway, I had this though while peddling around town on my bike... do you think spiritual growth is possible without concurrent intellectual expansion.

In other words can you grow spiritually if you are not growing intellectually?

Many of you know that I love to learn. I think it is fun, and from all the latest research life long learning might just be the number one thing that will keep you younger longer. Besides, doing something that you find stimulating can't be all bad.

But even as a young learner I have always been drawn to biographies. Better yet talking to people about the lives they lived and the path that they have walked often teaches and inspires.

As a teacher I always encourage those that I touch to read widely and to expand their understanding. I think it is important and well as enjoyable. But ultimately while I believe that expanding the intellect has many benefits, it is not an essential prerequisite to developing spirituality.

Many people surmount great spiritual peaks through feeling and intuition alone. Most of the old Shamans were not conventionally intellectual or well read (or even read at all); they could not quote Lau Tzu, or Goethe or Jung but it did not stop them from connecting with and becoming a great conduit for God.

I guess if you are going to flex your intellectual muscles (and I recommend that you do) remember that for knowledge to be of any benefit at all it must be placed into the experiential world.

Knowing is not the same as doing. And you only truly own what you have experienced. Everything else is just decoration. Seems to me until you get to the point of practice, all knowledge remains impotent.


Having said that, one of the first things I do initially when I take on a new group of students at the college or mentor wide eyed interns is to get them reading widely, anything they can get their hands on about fitness, learning and life. What I have found is that IF I can get them to escalate the difficulty of their reading, (advising them to ‘just read’) even if initially they do not understand what they are ingesting. I can stimulate discussion and hopefully a little bit of learning. Over the years I've learned to do this as part of their studies, I made it a compulsory element because I know that in the age of DVD's, TV and dumbed down journalism very few people read anymore, and when they do, they generally do not challenge themselves.

This helps me when I am teaching. Primarily people come to me because they are looking to learn new things about this fitness stuff and exercise adherence, and while I am practised in articulating how I found my way, there will always be a part of the aspirant that will want my experience and my words validated from other sources. So giving them books to read by other travelers helps people to trust what I offer. Ultimately the words and the book s are only there to encourage them to go out and experience things for themselves, so that they can be the proof.

Because words without experience are short lived. What gives words life is action.


But there is a danger of mistaking knowledge of the journey for the journey itself, if people are not careful, they can get too caught up in intellectualisation - I think that a word. If it is not tempered in the forge of experience knowledge can become a wank-fest of self congratulatory narcissism. I have fallen into this trap myself, quoting the latest flavor of guru to display my level of intellect. But I have also fallen into the trap of judging people that I think might over intellectualise things.

When I was studying for a master’s degree and had to read lots of academic tomes I really hated the language of academia because I felt that it was completely inaccessible to the man on the street. But to pass my degree I had to read it, and I also had to write it. And ultimately I was glad I did, because it pushed me to expand, and enabled me to understand a language that was not open to me before.

So now I encourage other people to read books that are beyond their scope for the same reasons. The danger is (as I said) when the intellectuals intellectualise but never put the words into action.

In the world of metamorphosis (I have found) action is all. And if the anti-intellectuals don’t become more open minded they too might miss out on something of real import.

I am aware that I have possibly offered you contradictory advice here so, in conclusion I’ll tell you what my life has told me thus far and what is as real as gravity to me; reading is great, writing is great too, you discover things that you didn’t know you knew when you write, but when it comes to actual knowledge, experience is everything.

When I am attracted by a speaker or a guru or a swami it is always because they have experienced life in all its wonder and its awe. If you climb Everest or go to the moon or overcome a debilitating childhood people will cross the globe to speak with you because everyone wants to touch the hand of experience.

Til next time...

I Think....

I think God wants us to grow. I believe that the universe is hungry for us to expand - and it is continually offering us the means to accomplish this.

Ok, so let’s back up for a second, I haven’t written in a while and from that statement you might think that I have completely lost my marbles. No doubt I have… but I lost them long ago. Actually, the above was stimulated by watching my son deal with a bully on the baseball diamond and some demons that some friends and family members are fighting. I’ll explain.

Many people feel that meditation is the prime exercise for this expansion, and while in theory I agree that it is hugely beneficial, I have to add my own personal experience based caveat; while I love to grow my conscious “net” though meditation I have to say that my very deep development always came through my very hard experience where I learned to dissolve fear while facing fear, and expand into new realities by engaging new realities.

I’ll get back to Phil.

After being hit twice by this particular little league pitching staff, there was an “incident” on the ball diamond where Phil ended up punching this kid lights out. I think it was the taunt of the second pitcher as Phil walked to first base. The opposing team didn’t like Phil’s snap throws to first and third that picked off three of their players. (It is funny how people deliver messages in the sporting world!)

Now, I would never condone violence on a ball field, especially from my son, but as the father of the child who delivered the right hook. I did sit back for a split second and appreciate its precision. I know it’s a boy/dad thing! However after the fray, Phil was mortified and very upset that he had lost his cool. It was a good lesson and it reminded me of a past experience from my teenage days.

I thought I nearly killed this kid one night walking home from my girlfriend’s house. Maybe I had never seen so much blood, maybe it was the anger I felt after seeing this kid pick on some friends of mine earlier in the day. But there we were in a dimly lit parking lot, Jack just full of himself, probably high and wanting to go. I walked away from him after hearing the four and seven letter words directed at me, my family, my mother and my first love. And then it happened. I felt his hand tug on my shoulder I spun around and the rest as they say, is history…

Afterwards I saw God.

It was the last place I expected to encounter Him, but He was there and he spoke to me through my pain. I was certain that Jack was dead and I was also certain that my life as I knew it was over. After the bloody encounter (triggered by two obese egos and an argument over personal territory) he was deeply unconscious and on his way to hospital and I was in my own version of Dante’s inferno. Within minutes I was deeply remorseful, within hours I believed I was on my way to prison. When I walked home that night, it was about midnight, I felt as though my world had collapsed. If he was dead, and I was sure he was, I was about to lose everything that I held dear; ironically everything I had become complacent of. It was then that the realization hit me; I was about to lose the most precious gift of all.

After talking to the authorities (apparently a patrolman saw the incident as it was happening. The neighbors called the police on Jack before I happened on the scene - he was a malicious kid and already spent plenty of time at the police station), I ran home. I seemed to be flying, the street lights were glowing, and looked like celestial orbs. When I got home my folks were asleep in one room, completely unaware of my crime and my pain. As I lay on my bed my life would be changed for ever – no chance to go to college, play tennis or even have a family, I would be taking Jack’s place in the Joliet state penitentiary …I was about to lose everything!

Then another startling realization; the boy I kicked around in that dimly lit park parking lot like a football, the man I had thought my enemy, was also a human being, he was Jack Senior’s and Barbra’s son. I was filled with remorse. I unashamedly laid on my back and prayed to God, I asked Him for one more chance, I promised that if He allowed this jerk to live I would turn this baby around, I would change my life. After a very long dark night of the soul I found out that the he had not only survived, but he was walking around completely without serious injury. He was scared, banged and battered and talking smack! The little Shit! I kept my promise, I renounced violence and I started my search for meaning.

The huge revelation for me here was that all those folks that I felt were my enemies were not my enemies, I have no enemies.

Another experience based epiphany occurred when I started to delve heavily into the martial aspect of the combat arts and learned how to kill people. You would think that if you trained intently in a killing art that it would give you a thirst for killing, but the opposite is true, the ability to kill, taking the martial arts to it’s obvious ends, triggered a transition in me, I could feel how ugly it was to hurt another person, and suddenly all I wanted to do was hug everyone.

I was actually happier than I had ever been, all I wanted to do was help people, serve people, and the thought of harming another human was the furthest thing from my mind.

These revelations might seem obvious…but at 18 years of age, not so. I know we all have read about the futility of violence many times… and have read about killing all your enemies by making them friends, no doubt. But for me this was not mere information taken from a library or a book of quotes, it was not learned, this was earned wisdom, it was actual elixir.

I can now say with certainty that violence always rebounds on its self, and use this knowing to “uncreate” violence in all its forms. I can say I have no enemies with absolute faith and pray even and especially for those that would do me harm.

This is what that extreme physical experience gave me.

Over the years I have had similar thoughts and revelations in meditation, but until I tested them, they remained simply pregnant pieces of information looking for a birth in the outside world.

But of course I was up for the challenge because I wanted to be free. As much as I love meditation and as much as I practice it and concur on its benefits, I do find that people are often guilty of courting deep states of relaxation in order to avoid raw states of experiential growth. I was never a man to sit at a bar and talk challenge, or theorize challenge or intellectualize challenge. I didn’t take the concept of challenge to a lab and do qualitative and quantitative experiments with mice or rats. I took my bones out onto the court, field or ring and I was my own experiment. I was ‘Rat A’ and the world was my laboratory. If it worked I got to walk away. If it didn’t I ended up on my ass or a hospital ward.

Ironically what I found was that all the external challenges I faced in the world of men turned out to be internal challenges, they all forced me back inside. The real Jihad is the internal jihad. In fact all jihads are battles with the self; the self is your only friend and the self is your only enemy.

But for me it was only in facing the fears and challenges that I had created out there - because ultimately they are only projections from the self I know that was deep let me better explain.

The bigger challenges are often closer than you think.

It is easier to march angrily through your town with an ‘anti-war’ banner than it is to pick up the phone and end the war with the sister that you don’t talk to anymore, the ex-wife that hates your guts or the son/daughter that you haven’t seen since a family argument all those lost years ago. People want to stop the war ‘out there’ while the war in their own life, or inside their own bodies is raging away almost un-noticed and often ignored.

I think that ‘out there’ is often an easy distraction for what is ‘in here.’

People are in love with the idea of challenge but do not actually take on the real challenge, they want to change the world but are unable to even change their own personal habits. They want sovereignty over the material before earning sovereignty over the self.

Idyllic retreats and lonely caves are nice and I highly recommend them for respite and recovery, but they do not prepare you for the world of men. The world of men is where you prepare for the world of men.

With that thought as my sponsor I changed my whole universe for the better. And my method was simple; I made a list of all the things that I dreamed of doing, all the things that I was frightened of doing…and now I am doing them.

But in order to do that I had one major hurdle to over come.

My self.

I was my own enemy.

So I killed my enemy by making him my friend.

If you want to master the world, first master yourself. If you want to take on the world, start first by taking on the self.

Til’ next time (hopefully much sooner!)